How to Work with Longing
Let me tell you a story—a tale of desire, transformation, and ultimately, self-realization.
It begins with a fool. One day, he sees a princess riding in a carriage. From the moment he lays eyes on her, he's captivated—completely consumed by her beauty and presence. He becomes obsessed, unable to think about anything else. Driven by this overwhelming desire, he runs to the carriage and blurts out, "Princess, when can you be mine? When can I see you?"
The princess, unimpressed but polite, responds cryptically, "I’ll see you in the graveyard."
Our fool, not the sharpest tool in the shed, interprets her words literally. Elated, he rushes to the graveyard and waits for her there. Days turn into nights, but she doesn’t show up. Undeterred, he tells himself, "If she doesn’t come today, she’ll come tomorrow."
He stays in the graveyard, obsessed with thoughts of her, imagining their union, longing for what he believes she represents. Days stretch into weeks, weeks into months. And slowly, something remarkable begins to happen.
His fixation on the princess starts to shift. The intense longing he feels begins to untether itself from the woman in the carriage. It transforms into a deeper awareness—not of her, but of the feeling itself. His desire evolves, becoming less about the princess and more about the nature of longing, the power of that energy coursing through him.
Eventually, the princess fades entirely from his thoughts, but the longing remains. He allows it to flow through him, to consume him fully, and in doing so, he transcends it. His desire becomes a gateway, leading him to a profound unity with the divine.
The story concludes with the fool still in the graveyard—but now he’s no longer a fool. He has become a wise man, a teacher to those who come seeking wisdom.
This tale comes to us from Reb Isaac of Akko, a 13th-century mystic, who ends with a stark warning: "Woe to those who have never loved a princess, who have never desired like this fool. They are like donkeys—or worse." His point? Desire is not something to be feared or dismissed; it is a sacred force, a path to the divine.
Why This Story Matters
I adore this story because it resonates so deeply with the human experience of desire. Desire can feel overwhelming, even painful, leaving us wondering what to do with it. Should we suppress it? Distract ourselves? Pretend it doesn’t matter?
But here’s the truth: desire isn’t something to be abandoned. It’s an energy source—powerful, persistent, and transformative. Like the rabbi teaches, abandoning your desire would be tragic because it’s often the very thing that leads us to self-realization.
Desire points us toward something greater. It’s not really about the object of your longing—the princess, the job, the dream—it’s about the energy itself. It calls to you, situates you, and invites you to explore what truly matters.
Finding Your “Princess”
So, what’s your “princess”? What are you longing for right now?
Here’s a mindfulness exercise for working with your desire:
Identify your longing. What’s the thing you can’t stop thinking about?
Explore the feeling. Ask yourself: If I got this, how would I feel? What would it mean for me?
Reverse-engineer it. Instead of focusing on the object of your desire, tune into the energy behind it. Let that energy guide you toward what truly matters.
Desire isn’t your enemy—it’s a portal to your deepest self. So don’t run from it. Feel it. Channel it. Let it orient you toward the life you want to create.
Happy practicing.
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